Waking Ideas

A week ago, I was awaiting my first acid trip with paranoia, fear, and an utter discord to the uncertain adventure I was about to undertake. Four trippers:  two experienced trippers awaiting the drug like Christmas, another first timer, and me: I was shitting my pants in the back seat of the car.  A paper bubblegum wrapper was unfolded, revealing little psychedelic blotter stamps. This was strange to me because when people told me about blotter stamps, I imagined them larger, more postage stamp-like. My anxiety rose at the realization of how powerful this small paper could be. Little did I know that ingesting two small flecks of paper would send my mind to the cosmos and back.

We did it at once. Sucking on the foul paper particles was the worst part of the ordeal. I have ingested MDMA many times, but that bitter chemical taste doesn’t compare to the sourness of LSD. Insult to injury, after sucking on these for several minutes, I had to swallow them, which was harder than one might think. My anxiety was over. The anticipation of getting the drug and then ingesting it was over. While we waited for the effects, we indulged in some of the best marijuana I’ve had and talked about the expected experience. I was still slightly nervous, but I knew I was in good company. We left the park to meet a friend of our LSD leader at Target. We arrived at Target, with feelings of giddiness slowly filling in my stomach. This was peculiar and I talked about these feelings with the others as they were feeling it as well. This was the come-up and I was very excited.

Outside the benches at Target, things were starting to happen. I started feeling more and more inebriated and my breaths became deeper. My mindset was starting to shift: the gentle ripping away from standard ideas and ways of thinking was a bit weird to deal with. I remember staring at the sky for the longest time and listening to my favorite Animal Collective song “Fireworks.” The friend - a sober driver - had finally arrived and we were eager to get to our final destination. The effects were really starting to set in as we got to the park. There were people everywhere, and we referred to them as Lemon Heads.

When you’re on this drug you can do nothing but smile and think of everything wonderful that is going on, that people who aren’t on the drug, who are just living their lives look unhappy and chore-filled. We were in the know and I was falling deeper and deeper into a flower garden. This was my last memory after the effects started peaking. I was under two giant Oak trees whose branches criss-crossed on their way up to the sky forming a pathway to the heavens. I laid underneath this roadway for ten minutes, which felt like an hour. Everything was beautiful. Clouds danced, the sun sang, and flowers would bloom out at me as if to welcome me to another side of reality. This happier side was filled with all of the love and joy this world could throw at me. But alas, nausea was building and this was to be expected. We stopped on a trail, looking both ways to see if families or dog owners were about on the roads. I chose my timing and made myself puke into a trash can which was filled with colored bags that breathed and twirled. I was feeling much better, but was feeling rather thirsty.

Our trip leader’s friend drove us to the nearest gas station where we were welcomed by two young skating hippies smoking marijuana by the front sign. I rubbed my eyes and had to check with the others in the vehicle to make sure they were real and I wasn’t so far gone. We laughed and left the car, walking into station. My intentions to walk in calm and collected were soon dissolved.  As people’s faces inside the gas station seemed to drop and narrow, forming funny cartoonish people existing in my world, I couldn’t help but giggle, and those giggles escalated into full blown laughter. I picked out my water and payed for it. Now I’m going to tell you this, paying for that water was such a damn difficult task. The attendant ( her name tag said “Brenda,” and popped out at me) did not suspect anything and I wasn’t worried. The cash register clanged open and the change dazzled my eyes with pristine crystal prism colors. My mind wandered to wishes of carrying rainbow currency as I was exiting the store and returning back to the park with the others.

There were many things that happened afterword, all to do with insane visuals and laughter, but needless to say that day was amazing. For the past handful of months I have been moody, negative, and definitely not at an understanding with the people I was involved with in life, mostly at work. I lived too fast, did too many drugs, and worried about the future constantly. I’m not sure what reincarnation may feel like, but LSD did this for me. That night I smoked the rest of my pot to heighten the tapering of the acid and the trip leader and I had the most amazing conversation about life. Throughout this conversation my subconscious lay wide open, sending out messages through the IM window of all those self-loathing thoughts, and the changes I needed to make in my life. This was the full circle realization that I had been hoping for since my initial anxiety before taking the acid. I felt changed then, and I still feel changed now. I have learned more about appreciating little things and realizing that life is like a sandwich, all of the ingredients are little things to enjoy that make up the bigger picture.

Acid is a strange thing; a weird thing, a powerful thing. It has the ability to change your mind if you’re willing, build bridges with people, and help you realize how beautiful life is. I’m doing things now, hell, I’m writing again. I feel as if I’m condoning acid, but I don’t mean to, it’s not for everyone. I just can’t imagine how a small fragile thing would fix things in my life so much. Old drug addiction feel gone, and yet do see myself doing acid again? Maybe, but not for a while. I want to continue enjoying life how I have been since Saturday.